Looking Back, Looking Around, Looking Forward & Looking Up

LOOKING BACK 

Walking towards the venue of our retreat i got a lot of questions...why I am here Lord? What are you trying to remind me? As this is the same venue where I had my silent retreat 7 months ago.....so we had dinner followed by an orientation and during the orientation we are being reminded not to talk with our co retreatants..wwhhhaaa silent retreat pala ito talaga....which am surprise as I thought someone will talk and we will just listen.

When we went out the orientation room and got the sked of our Spiritual Director...again a lot of question going on in my head...as am really questioning God why I am here? What are you trying to remind me? Did i missed anything from what i got in my last retreat?

LOOKING AROUND

i woke up with the same question in my head, thank God I will now have the chance to talk to my SD (Spiritual Director) and I told him frankly what's in my head..and i just listen to him.  I find it's a quick conversation but It took us 45minutes. He gave me prayer exercise and it was really a struggle as am starting comparing what I did in my first silent retreat. The prayer exercise is the same exercise I got and I can't answer it...my body wants to sleep and my mind is full of wonders and questions. I read the exercise ten times but still nothing is coming out in my head. When my SD gave the second exercise still my mind is full of questions wwhaaaa i cried with my SD why am having such conversation...i prayed for a few sec but my body want to sleep and just i relax until i fell asleep and finally the Lord ask me "are u still sleeping and taking your rest? Get up, do what you have come for?...listen to my words and acts on them"

I prayed the rosary asking for the intercession of mama mary and I got a very striking message when Mary said yes to the angel who came in unto her...and she said be hold the handmaid of the Lord, be it  unto me according to thy word.

First manifestation of Jesus to me is when am about to have my dinner...I walk towards the kitchen looking for a bowl and I can't find any so I sat down and walk again and needless that I know the bowl is in the table already hahahah and I realized that I don't have to look far or look somewhere else because the answer is just right beside me... God already prepared the bowl of greatness for me....it was very simple but the Lord speak to me very well in that manner.

We went for the simbang gabi and the sermon was very inspiring as the priest talk about something is coming ....I don't know how I don't know when and it speaks the situation am going through...who knows it's the love of my life...I just had to say yes to the Lord.

I like my SD actually even though in the beginning I feel awkward about him as he is a guy but he speak very well and he knows what his telling me..he ask me to recall the time I said yes to God and the things am grateful for. He even gave me a book entitle ALAB its a 70 day prayer exercise.

LOOKING FORWARD

In prayer # 3 I beg God for the grace to let go of my comparisonitize and be present to the purpose of why am in a retreat the prayer guide had help me a lot see who is the star of my life...who am I following for and why I am following him. The story of the magi in Matthew 2:1-12 had brought me to truly answer the purpose of my retreat hahaha ah anyway the prayer which was given to us fervor and draw strength and hope with me as I realized I am full of wishes, full of desires and full of expectations.

Another simple yet powerful manifestation of God with me is when I want to use the heater in the shower room but i don't know how to turn it on, I don't know how to use it even if I twist and turn the red color until I stop...the following day, out of nowhere while i am having shower  the water suddenly become hot and i was surprise how did it happen? i never tried to change anything or turn on anything and i realized that God will not allow me to leave the retreat house without getting anything, without using what i want, without enjoying what i need and so he give it to me without me asking for it. The message actually that i got is the Lord will just surprise us if we will just allow ourself to follow him, mostly the answer to the question is already in front of me.

LOOKING UP

Jenny, the goal of your life is to live with me forever, I gave you life because I love you. Your response of love allows my life to flow into you without limit. All the things in this world are my gifts, presented to you so that you can know me more easily and return your love to me more readily. I want you to appreciate and use all my gifts insofar as they help you develop as a loving person. But if any of my gifts become the centre of your life, they displace  me and so hinder your growth toward your goal. Your only desire and one choice should be this, to want and to choose what better leads to my deepening my life in you.

Since we are all inspired, we had our dessert at sweet inspiration where we just shared and celebrate what we got even if no one reveal their answer to the question hahahaha looking forward to know their answer....as for me...God knows what it is!

I thank the Lord for the great and restful vacation with him, to the person he uses to make this things possible for us..thank you so much to sis iris and brother nino for their  love and support and thanks to gem for without her i wont be able to go home easily, to pritzi and rodel for being an inspiration...yey buy one take one! Hehehe


December 16-18, 2011
San Jose Seminary
Ateneo De Manila University
Katipunan, Quezon City